I'm having an incredibly difficult time composing this. I keep telling myself that I am having a terrible dream and I will wake up soon. This loss is profound. I had to say goodbye to Finnegan this week, unexpectedly and painfully. You can do everything right and preventative and still lose a piece of your heart suddenly. Hug your hounds tight. Finn and Timmy were the two dogs I bonded the closest with in my life and now both are gone.
Finnegan had been my constant companion from the day we met, when he was 8-weeks-old. I fell in love with him instantly and he picked me to be his person. He wiggled his way deeply into my heart and soul. We had a strong spiritual connection. He and I battled mental demons together and learned so much from each other. I'll never forget the day where I started crying inside the house after MawMaw passed. He was outside at the time. Within moments he had run in back through the dog door and straight to me. He tried to lick away my tears and snuggled his head into me before I could register that he was even there. We had that kind of relationship: we just knew when one of us needed the other and we were there. He always checked in with me and was often my shadow. He loved giving me kisses and receiving kisses and ear rubs in return. We could read each other's body language and, it felt like, even each other's thoughts. He loved Justin too, although we always joked that Justin was his emergency backup human. Justin was also his protector when scary stuff happened like storms and fireworks and he spent countless nights up with him while the booms raged on. Their personalities did not always mesh the best but Finn and I both knew how much Justin loved him. It was evident.
Finn was an extremely handsome boy and floated across the fields and yard. Sometimes I would just watch him move and stand because I found him to be so beautiful. He started off as a natural comedian as a puppy but grew into a serious dog that actually enjoyed daily training sessions. He was a great hiking and walking companion, provided we did not run into off-leash dogs, and enjoyed our daily walks over the years. I never spam Facebook with daily walks with my dogs because I cherish the time we spend together and try to live in the moment and not on the phone. I am glad that I do that because I can now easily recall so many wonderful quality times with him without me being distracted (I know how I am with phones).
Finn loved to patrol the yard and took his job as neighborhood busy body very seriously. He barked a lot to let me know the comings and goings of every furry, feathery, or human thing within sight and, as much as I griped about the noise, I miss it terribly now. He also played the part of my guard dog and defended the castle from the invaders from the kingdoms of USPS and other enemies. He loved getting up in his papasan chair and curling up for a nice nap. He liked new toys but they were pretty useless once the newness wore off so he did his part to keep the pet store in business. He never got into things or created mischief. He respected the house rules and I could trust him loose in the house almost his entire life. He could also open all of the kid-safe gates in the house and would happily embarrass adults who could not by showing them how when they struggled. Instead of abusing that power he used it when I asked him to get the gate because I was carrying something. He liked to help me with things. He would also come up for attention and sit politely in front of me, tail wagging and eyes begging. Every time he did that I melted and he got lots of love and attention. He knew this so it happened a lot.
No matter what was going on, Finn was my constant companion and friend. He made sure I got kisses and snuggles and I made sure he got back-end rubs and ear rubs and so much love. He would ditch the other dogs to check in with me and spend time with me. He bonded with Nova and thought Trillian was the most amazing girl dog in the history of the world and worthy of all the flirting. The house, and pack, feel very different right now.
There are a million other things that I could say but my heart is shattered and I am numb. It has been 2 days and I still keep hoping I will wake up soon and he will be waiting for me to let him out to play. Hug your dogs, give them a treat, take them on a walk, put down the phone, and cherish the moments.
5/20/2012 - 7/8/2020